Summer's End and Shoot in the Wildwood/Seven Pearls

The past two weekends have been quite eventful. At Summer's End I was able to help out with my friend Abigail's (Gail Kellogg) vigil, guarding the food from cross-contamination.  I made a fantastic marzipan with her recipe:

• 2 cups almond flour 
• 1 cup granulated sugar 
• 1/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons water 
• 1 egg white, lightly beaten (frothy) 
• 1/2 teaspoon orange blossom or rose water 
• Confectioner’s sugar, as needed (about 1.5 cups) 

Bring the sugar & water to a rolling boil, add the almond flour, stirring quickly on low heat, turn egg whites into the pan while hot. Keep stirring 1-2 minutes, add rose water (or other flavoring), stir to combine and turn hot marzipan out onto sugar dusted surface. Knead with a spatula to start, then your hands, adding more confectioner's sugar as necessary until smooth like play dough. Shape by hand or cut into cubes. It will keep in the fridge 2 weeks.

On top of this, I retained a few shifts, I got Peer pressured into soliciting a Pelican (I was going to do it at dinner, anyway), and I helped serve feast.  For as much as I love cooking and eating, serving is by far my favorite role at feast, since it lets me bounce from table to table and socialize with everybody.  And get them drunk.

This past weekend at Seven Pearls/Wildwood I also had a blast retaining and serving feast.  The kitchen left some amenities to be desired, which made the feast appearing to go off without a hitch even more impressive! 

Sunday was a fantastic experience.  I was allowed to attach myself to a team from the Hael for Cast Iron Chef and loved the challenge.  We were given three and a half hours to cook a five course feast for 6-8 judges.  Our great archer Simmonetta got us a 6" cube of venison roast and two 1" thick boneless porkchops. Dagonall the Fool, the team leader, got us the rest of the ingredients from the pantry at the beginning of the challenge.  After that, I spent three hours buried in a 10x15 foot fire pit running a three ring stove.

1) Ricotta with honey, lavender, and fresh figs.

• Mix together, serve with flatbread.

2) Breaded pork chops with chopped apples, onion, and celery.

• Bread the chops and sear with vegetable oil on a hot pan.
• Mix chopped plants and steam as long as possible to achieve an "apple sauce" substitute.

3) Venison stew with pears and root vegetables

• Sear roast, stick with garlic slivers.
• Stew with chopped pears and multicolored carrots.
• Add 2 long pepper cones, 6 cubeb beads, and salt as needed.

4) Armored turnips

• Slice and steam one large turnip as long as possible to get soft.
• Incorporate 4 oz cheddar, garnish with another 4 oz.

5) Indian rice pudding

• Boil 1lb of rice until cooked.
• Add 1 qt butter milk, 2c sugar, 1tbsp lavender, 1 tbsp cinnamon, and clove.

The competition was well fought!  We scored 42/60 points, with first and second place getting 43.6 and 43.  One of the other two tables got a score in the 20s and I don't remember the fifth table, but I'm very happy with how competitive it was.  Everything I tasted was delicious!

Later in court, Barron Ixac of Delftwood designated our venison as the Barron's Choice.  This made me very happy because a) he "doesn't eat red meat" and it still won him over, and 2) I've never cooked venison and I didn't fuck it up!

The last great thing to happen to me was that Elska gave me her Bead Of Inspiration.  I have thoroughly enjoyed this past half year in the SCA and I really hope I can keep going with the same strength once the semester kicks in.

Oh, and I got a proto-ge friendship bracelet that I singed in the fire >.> At least it was cotton?

Deep fried alcoholic cake balls

There's this recipe going around Pinterest where people take angel food cake and cut it into cubes, then soak them in tequila and deepfry them.  Well, it works!  And it is dead simple and pretty fool proof.

INGREDIENTS
1 box mixed up cake mix
1 cup coordinating booze
2" frying oil

I got a Baby Cakes Cake Ball Maker a few years ago that I never use that came in very handy!  I mixed a box of Duncan Hines Devils Food Cake and mixed according to the instructions, then spooned in to the ball maker.

Once cooked, the balls were soaked in amaretto or Captain Morgan, or both, and toss in a tall pot with 2" of hot peanut oil that was left over from the turkey.

Fry until crispy!

Let drip and cool, and then devour.

[recipe] Brownie Cheesecake Bites

Welp, I made four dozen of these, and they kind of disappeared in one night.  I'm glad I managed to remember to take a picture before we ate the last two!  I made them for Q's birthday and even the non-diety people enjoyed them.  It was such a blast to have Isilzha over and NanoNuki in town again.

BROWNIE BASE

1/2 cup Butter (one stick)

2 oz unsweetened baking chocolate

1 cup almond meal
1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
pinch salt
3/4 cup Splenda
2 tbsp vanilla
2 large eggs
1/4 cup chopped nuts (optional)

Melt butter and chocolate in 30 second microwave bursts, or over a water bath.  Mix in all the powders and vanilla, then the eggs once the butter has cooled down enough to not cook them.  Spoon in to mini cupcake tins and flatten down to fill base.  Bake for 5 minutes at 325F.

CHEESECAKE FILLING

1 lb full fat cream cheese (two standard 8 oz boxes)

1/2 cup Splenda

1/4 cup heavy cream

1 tbsp vanilla

2 large eggs

1/4 cup cinnamon (optional)

Beat all together until fluffy and spoon into the prebaked brownie cups.  Bake for 15 minutes at 300F.  Stick in fridge to set, or as long as you can tolerate not burning yourself.

The original recipe from All Day I Dream About Food is written for a 9" buttered springform pan, but cupcakes are always more entertaining ^_^  My other big change was to add the cinnamon.  Of course, this is completely optional, but it made them divine.  And since there is never enough cinnamon for Dan, he made a fantastic sauce to bathe them in.

CINNAMON SAUCE

1/2 cup melted butter

1 tbsp cocoa powder

1 cup Splenda

1 cup cinnamon

Next time I really want to try and make this caramel sauce from Blondie's Paleo and Keto Journey.  I am such a sucker for caramel!

[recipe] Cranberry Muffins

I am so mad at Dave right now.  He asked me to make him cranberry muffins for breakfast with this recipe I found.  The bater was orgasmically good and the muffins are just taunting me.  Do I break keto?  Do I give a flying rat's ass?  THEY SMELL SO GOOD INTERROBANG

Also, I'm fat, and I have to be half naked in a play in four weeks...

[recipe] SF Keto Flax Brownies

I've been playing around with this recipe for Miracle Brownies a few times to completely different results.  They are good, and pretty easy to make.

FIRST ITERATION

When reading the recipe, I realized it asked for three full cups of sweetener, one cup liquid, one stick butter, four eggs, and two cups flax meal.  I was horrified by this amount of sweetener, so I only used one cup of erythritol with some baking splenda mixed in.  Dan loved them, but I couldn't get past how sweet they still were, and the texture of the flax meal reminded me a lot of wheat bran or corn hulls.

SECOND ITERATION

Like most weekends, I woke up wanting to bake something at random, and Dan requested flax brownies again.  We were out or low in a few ingredients, so I substituted.  I only used 1/4 C erythritol total, used extra cocoa powder instead of baker's chocolate, and subbed the last half cup of flax meal with a mixture of hemp and coconut flour.  I frekin loved these!  They had the same texture as the carbomb cupcakes I'd made the week before for Isilza, though a bit dry.  I want to make them like this again but add more cream next time.  There was one tray of mini cupcakes (15 minutes) and one of big cupcakes (20 minutes).  Dan found them not sweet enough.

THIRD ITERATION

This morning followed the same procedure.  This time I had all the ingredients, but the stove was in the dishwasher, so I had to add the baker's chocolate shaved instead of melted.  I upped the sweetener to 1/4 C erythritol and 1/4 C baking splenda, which was a good level of sweet.  Again in one tray of minis and one tray of regular cupcakes, but something made them really fluff up!  Dan loved them and deemed them the best batch.  I didn't like them nearly as much as last month's because they had the hully texture again, but it got better after they cooled.  A lot more fluffy like cake than moist and chewy like a brownie.  There's a bit of tinny aftertaste from the sweetener.

MY IDEAL NEXT ITERATION

I want to keep the sweetener from batch 3, but the solids from batch 2.  Maybe do 1.5 parts cocoa powder and 0.5 parts baker's chocolate, and twice as much cream.

[recipe] GF/SF/Wheat Free Cookies

I really love cookies.  They are one of the easiest things to make!  Especially when I can control myself enough to not eat all of the dough before they are baked. Today I am experimenting with reincorporating quinoa back into my diet, hoping it doesn't completely knock me out of keto.  I started with this Chewy Chocolate Chip recipe from Sacred Lightning as inspiration, and substituted some almond meal like from this Elana's Pantry Primal Gluten Free cookie recipe I devoured a few months ago.  So far, the raw dough is So Good! 

SF/GF/Wheat Free COOKIES 

1.5 c quinoa flour (previously toasted) 

0.75 c almond meal 

0.5 tsp baking soda 

--- 

0.5 c butter (salted is preferred) 

0.5 c coconut oil 

1.5 c baking Splenda 

--- 

1 tsp salt 

2 tsps vanilla extract 

2 eggs 

Preheat oven to 350°F and lay parchment on a cookie sheet. 

Mix flour, meal and soda in a dry bowl and set aside. 

Beat butter, oil and Splenda in mixer until fluffy. Add salt, vanilla and eggs until homogeneous. Incorporate dry ingredients a little at a time. I'm making an emphasis on adding them slowly because I always add them all at once and end up having to scrape them off the ceiling. 

Scoop 1" balls onto cookie sheet, 2" appart, and flatten. The amount of fiber in these cookies will not allow them to spread on their own, which is why the lower level looks straight out of the ice cream scooper.  Bake for ten minutes, give or take. They will not change color and look crispy due to the lack of sugar and wheat, but the outside will dry out and give a nice shell. You might want to wait for the molten core to cool down before eating, but who am I kidding.  Makes about three dozen (if you stop eating all the dough!)

In the spirit of ever improving, I plan on substituting some of the Splenda with soluble fiber to decrease the sweetness, without compromising the bulk.

[recipe] Adventures in Cauliflower Baking

Man, this stuff is amazing!  Cauliflower is a wonderful filler and substitute for flour, potato, and even cream.  The first thing I ever did with cauliflower was to boil it in broth and blend it, making a perfect chicken "cream" soup (the same is good if you use stuff like carrots or zucchini instead).

Today I tried two new recipes:  "pizza" and "brownies".

The pizza was pretty simple.  First you need to "rice" a cup of cauliflower, which means you chop, grate or process the cauliflower into a mince, and stick it in a pan until it cooks through.  About ten minutes.  I did this along with a tbsp of minced garlic and a bit of italian seasonings.  Then you mix it with a cup of grated mozzarella cheese and and egg, spread it on a cookie sheet, and bake at 450F for 15 minutes.  A dry, orange sharp cheddar gives the crunchiest results.

The sauce was even simpler.  I took a small can of V8 and simmered it with some red pepper flakes and black pepper, and then incorporated twice as much grated cheese until well disolved.  Spread this on the crunchy crust, top as desired, and broil for a couple of minutes right under the heat source.

Eat your little heart out!

It really tastes like pizza.  The texture, though, is a bit off.  You don't have the bread or gluten to chew through, but it tastes so good that it doesn't really matter. 

As for the brownies, I love I Breathe... I'm Hungry.  In this installment, she blends a cup of cauliflower pure with a cup of almond flour (we halved it with blended pecans because we ran out), half a cup of coconut flour, half of cacao powder, a cup of almond milk, three eggs, two oz of cream cheese, a stick of butter, two squared of bakers chocolate, and a half tsp of baking powder (with splenda and extracts to taste).  Melt stuff, blend stuff, and mix stuff together, then stick in a 9x9 buttered pan and bake for 35 minutes at 375F.  We wedged some SF chocolate chips and SF peanut butter cups in between

The texture is a bit powderier than your average brownie, but they are still absolutely amazing!  Now, I skipped the syrup and used bakers chocolate instead of Lindt 90%, both of which are not sweetened.  Make sure you compensate the splenda as necessary.  Another cool thing would have been if I used chopped pecans instead of powdered, but I really like my nuts.

Now, these two recipes are probably keto, if not very close to it.  They might be a tad high on the net carbs, but you can always sub in a bit more protein where need be.

I need to stop devouring food before getting pictures of everything.

PS:  These Primal Chocolate Chip Cookies are DA BOMB!  I'm just too lazy to give them their own entry because they didn't even make it through the afternoon.  Almond meal, egg, shortening, baking soda, sweetener, vanilla and chips.

[recipe] Vegan Jelly Donut Cupcakes

One of the wonderful things about roller derby is that we constantly have bake sales, so I get to try out new recipes and force them on people ^_^  And because I'm sick of every bake sale being your typical box mix, full flour and sugar crap, I'm always the weirdo that makes alternative faire.  This week, vegan cupcakes!

Someone shared this wonderful recipe with me from Alicia Silverstone's blog "The Kind Life".  Now, I am violently opposed to PETA and its practices, and was really heartbroken when she decided to be a spokes person for them, but I will give her credit for living consistently and true to her values.

So.  Vegan Jelly Donut Cupcakes.  I could not stop eating the batter!  I mixed up two batches, adding 1/2 C cocoa powder to the second one.  I don't know if this is what made them fluff up so much, or that since I mixed them up second, the vinegar and baking soda hadn't gone flat by the time I stuck them in the oven.  Or it could also be that I used coconut oil in the vanilla batch and crisco in the chocolate...

DRY INGREDIENTS:  Sift together in mixer bowl

1 1/2 C of flour

3/4 tsp. of baking powder

1/2 tsp. of baking soda

1/2 tsp. of salt

1/2 C cocoa powder (optional)

WET INGREDIENTS:  Mix in measuring cup

1 C of soymilk (I used almond milk)

1 tsp. of apple cider vinegar

2 tbsp. of cornstarch

3/4 C of plus 2 tbsp sugar (light brown is nice)

2 tsp. of vanilla

1/3 C of canola oil (I used coconut oil for one, crisco for the other)

1) Preheat the oven to 350F.  Line cupcake tin with paper liners.

2) Start the mixer with the paddle attachment, slowly pouring in the wet ingredients and oils.

3) Once everything is incorporated, scoop batter into paper cups and add fillings.

4) Bake 21-23 minutes, until toothpick comes out clean.

I got a great 1 tbsp ice cream scoop the other day.  It is wonderful for not spilling the batter EVERYWHERE!  Two scoops per cupcake, and significantly better portioning!

FILLINGS: 1/2 tbsp per cupcake

1) Candied ginger:  Fill liner with batter, press ginger into the center.

2) Cinnamon apples:  Chop up an apple (Granny Smith here) and place in a small pot with a bit of water and a lot of cinnamon.  Heat until the apples start to dry out so they don't make the cupcakes soggy.  Press into the center of the batter.

3) Strawberry:  Pit and chop up strawberries and stew in small pot with a little bit of water until they dry out and have a jam-like consistency.  Spoon into center of battered cups.

4) Bananananana:  Slice banana into 1/2" chunks and lightly cook in a dry pan.  Add one scoop of batter to tin, place banana slice in center, add second scoop of batter.  Top with another slice of banana.

5) Peanut butter:  Add one scoop of batter to tin, place small scoop of peanut butter in center, add second scoop of batter.  Top with a couple of peanuts.

6) Cry You American Pansies:  Between the two scoops of batter, add small chunks of Chocolate Abuelita (vegan!) and red pepper flakes.  Top with pepper flakes.

Recipe roundup

Here are a few recipes I have tried recently that I haven't had time to fully fledge out in their own post.

Keto BS+ACVinegar "Cornbread"

This was so good!  It was a crumblier bread, and the almond meal gave it a texture I really liked.  But then again, I'm an extra chunky PB kind of girl.  At first, it had a very strong BS taste straight out of the oven (which didn't stop me from eating), which completely mellowed out after it sweat over night.  A bit of butter on it made it that much more amazing.  I also used my Kitchen Aid mixer instead of a food processor, which might have influenced the texture and lack of BS/V reaction.

Low Carb Creamcheese "Bread"

Another good try.  It took a good hour to bake, though.  The toothpick had come out clean, so I went to flip the pan and the top flopped out.  It had the consistency of a very nice custard, but not solid.  Once I got sick of waiting for it to harden up even more (1:15?), it was worth the wait.  Dan loved this one, but I preferred the "cornbread".  Next time, I'm going to try and blend it more so that the meal is finer.

Real Sugar Bacon Toffee

I'd made this recipe before (completely not keto!), but hadn't gotten it to completely caramelize and harden.  This time, I finally found a candy thermometer!  I mixed in a couple of red pepper flakes, poured into my gingerbread man silicone mold, and topped off with chocolate and almond slivers, in an English Toffee vain.  Many people loved the chocolate on it, but I preferred the pure toffee.  And the kick of the pepper flakes was really nice with the caramel and bacon.

Jello and Protein Powder "Cake"

Yeah, this wasn't all that good.  All you do is mix the protein powder, baking powder, cocoa powder and sweetener and cook in the microwave, then crumble it up and set with sf jello.  Dan absolutely hated it!  I was meh about it.  I still couldn't bring myself to stop eating it, though.  

I eventually want to find some kind of Keto Mug Brownie recipe, since my attempt last week with protein powder, almond meal and egg came out not too different to the jello cake.

Here are some more recipes I'll hopefully try out soon:

LC GF PB and Bacon Bars

LC Cranberry Walnut Cookies

LC Butter Cookies

LC Almond Pancakes
Pumpkin Protein Pancakes

Bacon Caramels (for people that can eat sugar)

[recipe] ALL Of The Awesome SF/keto Nutella-ish Spread

This is calorically dense, and absolutely fantastic! I started wanting to make Nutella, and then went off the deep end. Perfect to have ready for when you get home from the gym and are about to keel over. Should keep you in ketosis, even if you do eat a whole bunch, since it is significantly high in fat.

2 oz bakers chocolate

1 oz heavy cream

1/4 c all natural peanut butter

1/2 c almond meal

1 c macadamia nuts

1/4 c hemp meal

1/2 c splenda

1 c full fat ricotta

Melt the chocolate with the cream in a hot water bath.

Blend all of the nuts and hemp together until creamy.

Incorporate the chocolate and splenda, keep on making creamy.

Add ricotta and keep blending/scraping/folding until nice and smooth.

Adjust splenda and cream or ricotta until desired taste.

Makes about a quart = 64 tbsp

chocolate: 280 cals, 30g fat, 18g carbs, 10g fiber, 8g protein

cream: 97 cals, 10g fat, 1g carb, 1g protein

peanut butter: 700 cals, 56g fat, 20g carbs, 8g fiber, 8g sugar, 36g protein

almond meal: 320 cals, 28g fat, 12g carbs, 6g fiber, 2g sugar, 12g protein

macadamia nuts: 948 cals, 100g fat, 18g carbs, 11g fiber, 5g sugar, 10g protein

hemp meal: 648 cals, 52g fat, 8g carb, 4g fiber, 40g protein

splenda: 48 cals, 12g carbs (estimated)

ricotta: 480 cals, 36g fat, 12g carb, 8g sugar, 28g protein.

Total: 3521 cals, 312g fat, 101g carb, 39g fiber, 23g sugar, 135g protein

TBSP: 55 cals, 5g fat, 1.5g carb, 0.6g fiber, 0.4g sugar, 2.1g protein

[recipe] SF Chocolate Avocado Paste Balls

Last month, when I was reading I breathe... I'm hungry, I ran into this very awkward yet interesting recipe. It takes your standard bourbon truffle and substitutes avocado to make it creamy. So I got three avocados and stuck them in my 5 dozen egg carton to ripen for a couple of weeks (still not enough -_-) and got to mixing everything (except the nuts) until creamy, then folding in the pecans.

2 ripe avocados

2 T coconut oil

1/2 C premium cocoa powder

1 T Splenda

2 T SF chocolate syrup

2 T heavy whipping cream

1/2 t vanilla extract

1/2 t almond extract

1/2 C chopped pecans

It is very important that the avocados really are as ripe as possible, without starting to rot. Judging by the ingredients she uses, I'm guessing the writer of the other blog lives in a warmer climate, prone to all the good produce I miss.

Unfortunately, mine still were a bit green, highly influencing the taste. I tried to counteract this by increasing the Splenda to 1 T and adding vanilla and almond extracts.

Another substitution, which I doubt worked, was SF chocolate syrup (Walmart brand Hershey's knockoff) instead of SF chocolate flavored syrup (Torani). I bought one that was caramel flavored last month that I really didn't like, so I didn't feel like filling my pantry with yet another subpar bottle just to use two tablespoons. This might not have been an ideal substitution, either, as it was quite bitter.

Next time, I want to try eliminating the syrup and adding some more cream, Splenda and extract to compensate. And riper avocados :/

Also, I went the lazy route and just left it in the mixer bowl to be eaten with a spoon ^_^

Makes 12 portions, each with:

111 cals, 10 g fat, 4.5 g carbs (3 g fiber), 1.5 g protein

[recipe] Low-carb Chocolate Crepe Cake

This is the second recipe I take from I Breathe... I'm Hungry, originally intended as a low carb red velvet cake. Yes, presentation is nice and all, but sometimes you just want to eat your damned cake! So instead of assembling the layers, we just plated them with a dollop of the cream and devoured.

CREPES

6 oz cream cheese (1/3 less fat)

5 eggs

1/4 cup Sugar Free Hershey's Chocolate Syrup

2 TBSP cocoa powder

1 tsp Splenda

1/2 tsp red food coloring (not used)

Blend well and pour onto a parchment lined cookie sheet. Bake at 350F for 15 minutes or until dry. Let cool.

CREAM

2 oz cream cheese

10 oz heavy cream

2 tsp vanilla

1 TBSP Splenda

Whip 8 oz of the heavy cream until stiff peaks form, incorporating the splenda and vanilla. In a separate bowl, combine the cream cheese and remaining cream until smooth, and fold into whipped cream.

Once the crepes are baked, cut into 12 squares (or use a large cup and cut out circles). If you plan on making a cake, alternate crepes with about a TBSP of the cream and make all pretty. If you need your chocolate fix before you stab someone, place a square on your plate with a dollop of cream and eat!

NUTRITIONAL INFO:

Cream Cheese: 560 cals, 16g carb, 48g fat, 16g protein, 16g sugar

Eggs: 350 cals, 25g fat, 30g protein

Hershey's Syrup: 30 cals, 10g carb

Cocoa powder: 25 cals, 6g carb, 1g fat, 2g protein

Cream: 1000 cals, 100g fat

Total Calories: 1965 (328 each)

Carbs: 32g (5g)

Fat: 174g (29g)

Protein: 48g (8g)

Sugar: 16g (3g)

When presenting in not-cake form, it is much easier to cut out a whole bunch of the cream.

CREPES ONLY

Calories: 825 (138)

Carbs: 28g (5g)

Fat: 57g (10g)

Protein: 44g (7g)

Sugar: 12g (2g)

[recipe] Black Bean Mocha Brownies

I tried out this recipe I found about a month ago on 101 Cookbooks. It has the benefit of being free of wheat, and most everybody liked them, but I think most people are addicted to coffee a lot more than I am.

4 ounces unsweetened chocolate (slab or powder)
1 cup unsalted butter
2 cups soft-cooked black beans, drained well (canned is fine)
1 cup walnuts, chopped
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
¼ cup (granulated) natural coffee substitute (or instant coffee, for gluten-sensitive)
¼ teaspoon sea salt
---
4 large eggs
1½ cups light agave nectar (works just the same as honey)

Melt chocolate with the butter. Then blend the first list of ingredients in a food processor until smooth. Whip up the eggs with the nectar and incorporate half of the mixture into the bean batter.

Line a cookie sheet (with walls) with parchment paper and spread with the mixture. Pour the remaining egg and honey on top and run a toothpick through for a marbling effect. Bake at 325 for 30-45 minutes. Let cool and set before cutting.

---

Now, like I said, everybody loved them, except for me and Dan. But neither of us really drink coffee. Next time, I plan on using only a bit of the instant coffee instead, since the chocolate is already bitter. I'm also going to try some other sweetener (probably plain light brown sugar), since the agave nectar was ridiculously sweet. There was a very odd dynamic between the bitter and the sweet, where they seemed to accentuate each other, instead of mellowing themselves out.

Also, they had a great consistency, though I wasn't completely sure they were cooked enough, and you really can't tell they are made of beans unless someone tells you.

[recipe] Strawberry Pie

I compulsively bought two pounds of strawberries a couple of weeks ago, without any time to eat them or cook with them before leaving town for MDSW. So I stewed them!

I cut them in half and tossed in a pot at low flame for a few hours until they condensed. No sugar or anything (well, a tad of leftover Manischwietz). The next week, when I had more time, I bought another pound of strawberries and shoved it all in a Pie ^_^

Hot Water and Lard Pastry

Ingredients (makes 2-3 single crusts)

• 1 cup lard or shortening
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 cup boiling water
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 3 cups flour

Directions

1 - Put lard in a medium bowl and boil the water.

2 - Pour water over shortening and blend until all the water is absorbed and the mixture is smooth.
3 - Add the flour, salt and baking soda.
4 - Once it is mixed and in one large ball, cut into 3 balls of dough, wrap in plastic wrap and chill for at least 2 hours. If you want a larger pie crust, just do 2 balls of dough. Uncooked dough can be kept in the fridge for about a week or frozen.

6 - Bake these pie crusts up as you would any others, at 350-400 for 12-15 minutes, or until golden brown.
7 - Follow instructions for double crust fruit pies.

Happy Birthday Dory!

Yesterday was isilzha's birthday, and I made her a rainbow cake! This time, I actually made it in cake form, using Betty Crocker Super Moist Party Rainbow Chip mix, seltzer and food coloring, and the Omnomicon recipe I love so much. It came out very fluffy and moist (teehee, moist!) but seriously lacked structural integrity. Next time, I will include a bit of egg white.

So this was real easy. I poured the powder in to a 5c measuring cup, and slowly incorporated the 12 oz of seltzer with a fork. Once mixed, I poured one cup at a time into a smaller measuring cup and mixed in the food coloring. This was then split among both, very well buttered cake pans. After scraping as much as possible out of the cup, but without obsessing, I poured another cup of batter and mixed in the yellow. Minor color mixing doesn't really matter. I did the same with the remaining colors, adding a tad bit more seltzer to the last batch (I seem to not have mixed it as well as I thought the first time) and tapping the pans on the counter once pouring was done. I baked at "350" for 22 minutes, let cool (well, the second pan, after the first one completely crumbled out of the pan), flipped and frosted.

I'm very proud of how the colors came out, though, and how both layers lined up very nice when the cake was cut! Remember, all of the calories drift to the center, so beware the tip of the slice. Not using the oil and eggs also dropped the calories for 1/12 of the cake from 230 to 160. Pay no attention to the lemon icing that was the only thing keeping the lower layer together...

[recipe] Seltzer Cupcakes with Strawberries

Last year a friend made this recipe for rainbow cake, which I have tried in many incarnations. One of my main gripes was the use of artificial sweetener in the Diet Sprite, so I decided to use seltzer instead.

INGREDIENTS
1 box cake mix - devil's food cake
12 oz (1 355 ml can) plain seltzer
24 small strawberries for decoration (these were a bad idea, next time will try dehydrated)

The important part here is that the seltzer replaces ALL of the additional ingredients, so you don't use oil, water, butter or eggs. As far as I've read, any carbonated beverage can be used. This drops the calories from about 220 to 160 for two cupcakes.

Mix, pour into molds, and follow the baking instructions on the box. Some people on the internet have mentioned that this cake is a bit crumbly (mine haven't been) and recommend adding an egg or egg white.



I decided to put a strawberry on each cupcake, and I would now like to advise people against this. They were very good right out of the oven, but after a couple of hours, the strawberries started to melt, leaving these tiny bunt cakes with strawberry mush in the middle. Future incarnations might include dehydrated strawberries instead of fresh, or chopping them up and tossing them into the batter.