Am I in crisis?

I'm not sure.  I have been putting a lot of thought into many of the choices I live my life by as of late.  It's been three years since I cut off my hair and started doing the dirty hippie thing, two years since I started derby, and a whole year of keto, and three months since I finally started dating a fantastic guy.  Are these choices still right for me?

Well, I'm not dropping out of derby, that's for sure.  And I'm not switching leagues again!  But I am very far from content with the current state of things, so I plan on running for an executive board position this week.  I'm going to make this league better if it kills them!  It is driving me into poverty, though.  I have an interview for a barista position at Sheetz tomorrow at 7:30 am  -_-;;

Keto?  I just did a full blood panel two weeks ago.  My cholesterol is stupidly healthy.  It is the best I have ever had in the seven years I've been testing.  I love my diet, and I love bacon, and cream, and eggs.  But I can't stop fantasizing about pancakes and Chunky Monkey.  I went to Grange Faire for my birthday and ate myself into a coma.  I enjoyed every single bite, but was in so much pain for the next two days purging the sugar from my system.  I keep going back and forth.  Do I really care what I look like or not?  Is all the bacon in the world really worth not eating 95% of the menu?  Will popcorn really kill me?  It's a thing of willpower, which I have significantly less of on some days.

Dirty Hippie.  This is something I have always classified myself as, and always will, but sometimes I wonder how much the "dirty" part matters.  I finally managed to bleach my Rogue streak again after five or so years, but decided to Manic Panic it red temporarily since I wasn't able to bleach it white all at once and didn't want it to look like piss.  I'm enjoying the red streak (though I liked it better when it was darker), but it seems to have sparked a bit of vanity in me.  I caught the nail polish bug from Cephalogal and did that for a couple of weeks, and even started wearing eye liner.  And then I freaked out Burn.

Burn is a fantastic guy, he treats me very well (unlike my previous relationship), and feels eerily perfect.  Is it wrong for me to be paranoid?  I mean, I thought the last dude was decent, and then I realized the hard way just how much of a scumbag he really is.  And to make matters worse, I didn't realize this until a couple of months after I broke up with him (though I did decide to because i realized he was less than fresh).  Is my douchegauge broken?  How was I able to put up with shit for so long?  Is there anything said broken gauge is missing in my new relationship?  I highly doubt it.  Burn is a bit distracted, but I feel he honestly means well.  So why am I having such a hard time getting past the deception when I have no reason to interact with it again?  I don't know.  It's that Lack Of Self Esteem thing again.  At least this is a decision I have no intention of changing any time soon.

But I digressed.  I've been having attacks of vanity.  Since I visited my mother in August and Had to look good, I've been considering washing my hair, using real lotions instead of coconut oil, and pretending to be an adult.  I don't know why.  The idea of using prefabricated body products terrifies the ever-loving crap out of me.  I hate how they feel on my skin and how they irritate it, but now that my hair goes down my back, I'd like to be able to pass my fingers through it.  And the only way I know how to achieve that is by using a shitload of paraffins and chemical products.  I mean, my hair is very healthy, but that kind of "silky" is always artificial.  The idea just feels so… wrong.  Like I'm cheating myself out of my values.  Would I be?  Is there any way to manage that level of chemical pleasure with natural, home made products?

Yeah.  My head hates sitting still.

Oh!  And I am currently in two swaps (which I should remember to make posts for -_-;;) and am going to a wedding in December for which I need to have two sets of baby gifts.

Wagon wheels keep turning.

Last week was my birthday, and I decided I was going to take the weekend off to put myself into a food coma and eat ALL OF THE CARBS!  How many, you ask?

Friday dinner at Ottos:
Fried calamari, artesian mac n' cheese, (really crappy) chocolate chip cookies with Peachy Paterno sandwich, apricot wheat beer.

Saturday breakfast Grange Fair:
Sticky bun, iced coffee, deep fried oreos, cookie dough, kool aid, and twinky, cactus taters, "real fruit" slushy, local root beer, chicken on a stick, and kettle corn.

Saturday mid day Herwig's:
Banana cheese cake on Nutter Butter crust, topped with caramel and bacon.

Saturday night Hublersburg Inn:
Crab nacho chips, Bailey's in coffee, bacon cheese chips, chocolate cake with peanut butter icing a la mode, and sprite.

Sunday breakfast:
Cap'n Crunch in almond milk.

Sunday lunch:
Movie pop corn and cherries.

Sunday dinner:
Roticiery chicken, cheddar pop corn, B&J greek yoghurt with peanut butter and bananas, and ricotta with chocolate sauce.


So yeah, now I'm trying to get back on the wagon and am feeling the pain.  I've had since early yesterday pains in my left wrist, knee and ankle, and an overall tightness around my ribs, as well as trouble focusing on far away signs (I have really good vision, normally!) and a cloudy feeling in my head.  I haven't eaten anything yet today and plan on only drinking non caloric beverages for a while in order to detox. I'll fry up some eggs before leaving for practice so I have time to digest them on the drive, but today is going to suuuuuuuck.

I'm also very surprised that I only went up to 152.2!  I was at 150 saturday morning and ~148 earlier last week.  I should be back on the other side by the end of the week.

[recipe] Adventures in Cauliflower Baking

Man, this stuff is amazing!  Cauliflower is a wonderful filler and substitute for flour, potato, and even cream.  The first thing I ever did with cauliflower was to boil it in broth and blend it, making a perfect chicken "cream" soup (the same is good if you use stuff like carrots or zucchini instead).

Today I tried two new recipes:  "pizza" and "brownies".

The pizza was pretty simple.  First you need to "rice" a cup of cauliflower, which means you chop, grate or process the cauliflower into a mince, and stick it in a pan until it cooks through.  About ten minutes.  I did this along with a tbsp of minced garlic and a bit of italian seasonings.  Then you mix it with a cup of grated mozzarella cheese and and egg, spread it on a cookie sheet, and bake at 450F for 15 minutes.  A dry, orange sharp cheddar gives the crunchiest results.

The sauce was even simpler.  I took a small can of V8 and simmered it with some red pepper flakes and black pepper, and then incorporated twice as much grated cheese until well disolved.  Spread this on the crunchy crust, top as desired, and broil for a couple of minutes right under the heat source.

Eat your little heart out!

It really tastes like pizza.  The texture, though, is a bit off.  You don't have the bread or gluten to chew through, but it tastes so good that it doesn't really matter. 

As for the brownies, I love I Breathe... I'm Hungry.  In this installment, she blends a cup of cauliflower pure with a cup of almond flour (we halved it with blended pecans because we ran out), half a cup of coconut flour, half of cacao powder, a cup of almond milk, three eggs, two oz of cream cheese, a stick of butter, two squared of bakers chocolate, and a half tsp of baking powder (with splenda and extracts to taste).  Melt stuff, blend stuff, and mix stuff together, then stick in a 9x9 buttered pan and bake for 35 minutes at 375F.  We wedged some SF chocolate chips and SF peanut butter cups in between

The texture is a bit powderier than your average brownie, but they are still absolutely amazing!  Now, I skipped the syrup and used bakers chocolate instead of Lindt 90%, both of which are not sweetened.  Make sure you compensate the splenda as necessary.  Another cool thing would have been if I used chopped pecans instead of powdered, but I really like my nuts.

Now, these two recipes are probably keto, if not very close to it.  They might be a tad high on the net carbs, but you can always sub in a bit more protein where need be.

I need to stop devouring food before getting pictures of everything.

PS:  These Primal Chocolate Chip Cookies are DA BOMB!  I'm just too lazy to give them their own entry because they didn't even make it through the afternoon.  Almond meal, egg, shortening, baking soda, sweetener, vanilla and chips.

[recipe] Not-Enough-Meat Meatloaf Cupcakes

One might think that meat is a critical part of meatloaf.  One might also think you only need one pound of ground beef for a one pound loaf pan.  Welp, this one was wrong.

I was so excited today when I went to the butchers and got ALL OF THE MEATS, that I didn't notice that one pound of ground beef is only about the size of two small apples.  The pan is about four times that size...  Well, cupcakes are small!  I can use a cupcake pan and stop filling it when I run out of meat!

You can use a lot of things as fillers in meatloaf.  I almost ran out of cupcake pan.  This is what I added, approximately and in this order.

0)  Preheat oven at 400 F.

1)  Hard boil three eggs; peel and quarter.

2)  Fry up a sliced onion with red pepper flakes, a tbsp of minced garlic, Worcestershire, Maggie and soy sauces.

3)  Line cupcake tin with a slice of thick cut bacon in each cup; bake for 10 minutes or so. Crispier is better, but make sure they don't collapse in on themselves.

4)  Toss onions in mixer with the pound of meat (half chuck, half baconburger) and start mixing in crap, like 1/4 lb sliced onion cheese in pieces, 1/4c hemp seeds, 1/2c almond meal, 1/4c wheat bran, 1/4c flax seeds, and about a tbsp of sundried tomatoes in oil I had left.

5)  Once the meat is all mixed and seasonings are adjusted, pull the bacon cups out of the oven and place tray on a trivet.  Using two spoons, put about a tbsp of meat inside each bacon-wrapped cup, add 1/4 hard egg, and fill to the top with the rest of the meat.

6)  Bake for 25 minutes, or until desired cookedness.

7)  Let cool on trivet.

8)  Omnomnom!

They came out very nice and moist, but the texture was a bit creamier than your standard loaf.  Once they were baking, I thought of other things I could have added that I have used successfully in meatballs, like rice (quinoa would also work), chipotle, green olives, chicken shreds, cream cheese, cocktail onions, panko or toast crumbs...

[recipe] Vegan Jelly Donut Cupcakes

One of the wonderful things about roller derby is that we constantly have bake sales, so I get to try out new recipes and force them on people ^_^  And because I'm sick of every bake sale being your typical box mix, full flour and sugar crap, I'm always the weirdo that makes alternative faire.  This week, vegan cupcakes!

Someone shared this wonderful recipe with me from Alicia Silverstone's blog "The Kind Life".  Now, I am violently opposed to PETA and its practices, and was really heartbroken when she decided to be a spokes person for them, but I will give her credit for living consistently and true to her values.

So.  Vegan Jelly Donut Cupcakes.  I could not stop eating the batter!  I mixed up two batches, adding 1/2 C cocoa powder to the second one.  I don't know if this is what made them fluff up so much, or that since I mixed them up second, the vinegar and baking soda hadn't gone flat by the time I stuck them in the oven.  Or it could also be that I used coconut oil in the vanilla batch and crisco in the chocolate...

DRY INGREDIENTS:  Sift together in mixer bowl

1 1/2 C of flour

3/4 tsp. of baking powder

1/2 tsp. of baking soda

1/2 tsp. of salt

1/2 C cocoa powder (optional)

WET INGREDIENTS:  Mix in measuring cup

1 C of soymilk (I used almond milk)

1 tsp. of apple cider vinegar

2 tbsp. of cornstarch

3/4 C of plus 2 tbsp sugar (light brown is nice)

2 tsp. of vanilla

1/3 C of canola oil (I used coconut oil for one, crisco for the other)

1) Preheat the oven to 350F.  Line cupcake tin with paper liners.

2) Start the mixer with the paddle attachment, slowly pouring in the wet ingredients and oils.

3) Once everything is incorporated, scoop batter into paper cups and add fillings.

4) Bake 21-23 minutes, until toothpick comes out clean.

I got a great 1 tbsp ice cream scoop the other day.  It is wonderful for not spilling the batter EVERYWHERE!  Two scoops per cupcake, and significantly better portioning!

FILLINGS: 1/2 tbsp per cupcake

1) Candied ginger:  Fill liner with batter, press ginger into the center.

2) Cinnamon apples:  Chop up an apple (Granny Smith here) and place in a small pot with a bit of water and a lot of cinnamon.  Heat until the apples start to dry out so they don't make the cupcakes soggy.  Press into the center of the batter.

3) Strawberry:  Pit and chop up strawberries and stew in small pot with a little bit of water until they dry out and have a jam-like consistency.  Spoon into center of battered cups.

4) Bananananana:  Slice banana into 1/2" chunks and lightly cook in a dry pan.  Add one scoop of batter to tin, place banana slice in center, add second scoop of batter.  Top with another slice of banana.

5) Peanut butter:  Add one scoop of batter to tin, place small scoop of peanut butter in center, add second scoop of batter.  Top with a couple of peanuts.

6) Cry You American Pansies:  Between the two scoops of batter, add small chunks of Chocolate Abuelita (vegan!) and red pepper flakes.  Top with pepper flakes.